This might get me in trouble because I am not entirely sure that I am about to be politically correct…but please bare with my musings and self-discovery and the idea that what is about to follow might not be my opinion, but instead is a thought process that I am trying to get through so I can discover what my opinion actually is, hope that is okay….
I want to process some differences that I see between men and women as well as this whole idea about women’s rights and equality. Bitch. What a word. In a professional world, it seems this is almost synonymous with successful women. Women that are successful have to be so assertive it is borderline aggressive. They must make their presence known, stick up for themselves so as to avoid being run over. And inevitably, this assertiveness is quickly labeled as bitchy. Why is that?
Is it because men do not want their women assertive? Is ambition and assertiveness, going after what you want, a manly quality? Hmm, what a thought to think. I was watching Meet the Press, what seems like forever ago, and there was a conversation about how women need to learn to lean forward. The guests on the show were talking about how women sort of naturally lean back, listen, wait their turn. And the guest, who was a woman, was saying how that was not okay – that more women need to learn how to lean forward and insert themselves into the conversation.
Now I agree with that, but I also disagree. If the idea is that women naturally lean back and listen, the idea of “caregiver” attributes , why should we have to fight that instinct and instead be “manly” and lean forward and insert ourselves? I realize that it is necessary to get involved and be sure our voice is heard – but does that mean we must fight a natural instinct? If we are talking about equality and women’s rights, shouldn’t that mean that I am able to be successful as who I naturally am rather than trying to become more like a man in order to succeed?
I think there is a long overdue discussion on gender equality – actual EQUALITY – rather than gender-equality-meaning-women-are-encouraged-to-act-more-like-men. Why can’t I have nurturing qualities and enjoy listening and being less aggressive and take a mediator role rather than an aggressor role and still be successful? Why does society equate success with aggressiveness and going after what you want, not letting anything stand in your way, not accepting no for an answer. I think that society could benefit enormously from reframing success as win-win mediation, diplomacy, or making sure everyone is heard. All of which, by the way, require skills that women are traditionally better at.
Just a musing. I want to be able to be who I am and be successful. I want to be a woman and not have to make apologies or act like the men around me in order to be respected or heard. It is time that success starts being attributed to those that actually do the work, rather than those that play or fit the role of our current definition of “successful” well.
optimism is worth it. 